“Sticks and Stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me”. We all remember that little rhyme from grade school, and today those words can still be heard on the playground. But does it really stand the test of time? Back when I was in school and probably most of you remember the “Playground Bully”, the one who everyone feared yet didn’t pay much attention to, his only existence was to make our lives difficult and so it was easier to just try to avoid him and not bring any attention to yourself when he was near, so as to not bring on the onslaught of hurtful and offensive comments for the sole purpose of getting a laugh at your expense. Today, unfortunately, those bullies still exist. However, with the ease of technology making our everyday lives more accessible, the bully has just been given a new playground to roam. What most people don’t understand is how much more psychologically damaging the Cyber Bully is to that of the Playground Bully. At least with the Playground Bully we had the school bell to help save us from the bully’s attack. The end of the school day meant the end of the torture, at least for the time being, until the next day when you had to go back to school and be in class next to him. Maybe with the passing of time, tomorrow would bring a new day and a new victim for the bully and I could be left alone. Technology has made Cyber Bullying an endless game that goes on and on. The end of the school day and the ringing of the bell does not mean you have a reprieve, unfortunately the bully still has you in their sights. Technology allows for the bully to follow you home, get into your house, your bedroom, through your cell phone and computer. The Cyber Bully can now create an environment of hate that follows you everywhere, as long as you are “connected”, the bully can have their way with you.
In 2010 a Pew Internet study was reported. Of the 1500 teens surveyed: 32% of online teens have experienced one of the following forms of online harassment:
- 15% of teens reported having private material (IM,txt, email) forwarded without permission.
- 13% had received threatening messages
- 13% said someone had spread a rumor about them online
- 6% had someone post an embarrassing picture of them online without permission
(Lenhart, 2007)
- 26% of teens have been harassed via their cell phones either by voice or text
(Lenhart, 2010)
Mid-teens (ages 14-17) is the age of greatest prevalence of online harassment and bullying (Pew, 2007, Hinduja & Patchin, 2008)
Girls, particularly older girls, report more online harassment; 38% of all online girls reported experiencing some type of harassment (Pew, 2007)
Social network users are also more likely to report online harassment – 39% of SNS users have experience it. (Pew, 2007)
Our nation is seeing an increase in school violence and teen suicide. We are reminded of those victims we lost at the hands of cyber bullies: Phoebe Prince and Tyler Clementi. Two people whose lives were cut short by the daily torture they endured at the hand of Cyber Bullies. I, like many others, was saddened to hear that someone could be tormented so much and pushed to the edge, that they would rather die than to be here with us. That their pain was so intense the only way to make it go away was if they were to go away. I’ve read many news reports on teen suicides at the encouragement or pursuing of Cyber Bullies. I have often been shocked to read at the end of such reports that people would post comments of disbelief that someone would want to end their life and yet their only contribution or offerings of help is to post the same message I started with: Sticks and Stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me. If only it were that simple. An over simplified statement that no longer holds true in this digital age. Today, those “words” live on forever in cyber space and may never go away.
Some tips that Internet Child Safety offers is:
1) Never respond to a Cyber Bullies attack. The Playground Bully gets their satisfaction immediately, face to face. A Cyber Bully is waiting for you to respond. This is what often feeds that desire to bully more.
2) Report the abuse. If the abuse is happening on a particular website, make sure to report the abuse to that website: i.e. abuse@______.com (the blank represents the websites name; Facebook, MySpace, Twitter, etc.. Most sites offer a “Report abuse” button at the bottom of most sites page. This will at least help to limit access to the post and help to bring it down.
3) Talk to someone. Never go this alone. Make sure to share your feelings with a trusted adult, older brother or sister, mom and dad, a teacher.
4) Block unwanted messages or communications from the bullies. No one should ever have to expose themselves to vicious attacks from a bully. Take control of your accounts and be sure to block or remove anyone who uses abusive language, or says hurtful things.
I was at an elementary school presenting my online safety presentation and prior to the start of the presentation, I was walking past a group of 1st or 2nd graders and overheard a group chanting that rhyme: Sticks and stones…. and that is what made me write this article. Although the message still has some meaning, it is not so simple anymore. However, what I did take away from this observation is how powerful “strength in numbers” plays in fighting back the bully’s attack. Those students who banded together and started chanting, seemed to ward off the bullies attack. There are no easy solutions to help fight Cyber Bullies, but one thing is for sure, we all need to stand together.
Ofc. Steve DeWarns
InternetChildSafety.net
SocialShield.com
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