Cutting the Umbilical Cord

I have often said that I learn a lot from presenting to students.  I get the opportunity to not only work with the students, but I’ve learned so much just listening to them talk about their favorite sites, activities online, etc…  The more I hear a site or activity mentioned, I know that this will be the next big thing and therefore I need to investigate.  I have also learned so much from working with the school staff.  I started hearing about a complaint several years ago, but recently it was brought up again from one school staffer, so I thought I should mention it.

It seems as though one of the biggest problems within our schools has come from technology and students with cell phones.  Now you might imagine all the problems that may come from a student with a cell phone on campus; Bullying, cheating, sexting, etc…  Cell phones can be a great distraction in school and even though most schools have policies that state cell phones must be turned off during school, students don’t listen.  There is even technology out there where students can download a ring tone that can only be heard by children.  This allows for the students to keep the phones on and reply to text messages while in class.  But the biggest complaint regarding students using phones in class come from something that most of you probably didn’t give much thought to.  The biggest problem comes from parents texting their children during the school day.  A school counselor once told me the school has difficulty addressing this issue with the parents, when it is the parents themselves who are causing the problem.

Parents may text their kids during the school day to say: “I’ll be late to pick you up”, “How is your day going”, “I love you” and at times parents have even engaged their child in online games!  Most of these examples may seem harmless, but what did we do as parents when there were no cell phones?  If ever there is an emergency, you would call the school office and a message could be handed to your child at the end of class or end of the school day.  Whatever the message, it found its way to the child and life went on.  I’m all for reaching out and telling your child you “love them” or are “thinking of them”, “have a nice day”, “good luck on your test”.  Is texting such messages so important?  A very low-tech solution is to hand write such a message that you can leave in their lunch box or backpack.  I just can’t think of any message that is so important, which would require a child to be interrupted during the school day.  As a parent, you have a job to do and that is raising your child to the best of your ability.  As a school or a teacher, they have a job too and that is to educate not only your child, but a classroom full of students.  The last thing a teacher should have to deal with is disciplining a student because they violated school policy due to their parents texting them.  It’s time to cut the umbilical cord.

According to Pew Internet and American Life Project who surveyed over 2,000 adults; 88% appreciate the way cell phones allow them to arrange plans with family and friends.  42% say they get irritated when a call or text interrupts them and 86% find it rude when others check their phones repeatedly during meetings or conversations.  Well, isn’t that what you are doing to your kids at school?  Are we just teaching them bad behavior, the same behavior, according to our survey that you find so rude?

There are features available through your cell phone company that is very helpful for your child and your school.  AT&T offers Smart Limits. This pay feature allows for parents to control who contacts their child via their cell phone as well as set time limits.  For example: you can set the phone to be turned off-line at the beginning of the school day and come back online at the end of the school day.  If only more parents would sign up for Smart Limits, schools would love you for it.

Ofc. Steve DeWarns

InternetChildSafety.net

SocialShield.com

 

Sticks and Stones

“Sticks and Stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me”.  We all remember that little rhyme from grade school, and today those words can still be heard on the playground.  But does it really stand the test of time?  Back when I was in school and probably most of you remember the “Playground Bully”, the one who everyone feared yet didn’t pay much attention to, his only existence was to make our lives difficult and so it was easier to just try to avoid him and not bring any attention to yourself when he was near, so as to not bring on the onslaught of hurtful and offensive comments for the sole purpose of getting a laugh at your expense.  Today, unfortunately, those bullies still exist.  However, with the ease of technology making our everyday lives more accessible, the bully has just been given a new playground to roam.  What most people don’t understand is how much more psychologically damaging the Cyber Bully is to that of the Playground Bully.  At least with the Playground Bully we had the school bell to help save us from the bully’s attack.  The end of the school day meant the end of the torture, at least for the time being, until the next day when you had to go back to school and be in class next to him.  Maybe with the passing of time, tomorrow would bring a new day and a new victim for the bully and I could be left alone.  Technology has made Cyber Bullying an endless game that goes on and on.  The end of the school day and the ringing of the bell does not mean you have a reprieve, unfortunately the bully still has you in their sights.  Technology allows for the bully to follow you home, get into your house, your bedroom, through your cell phone and computer.  The Cyber Bully can now create an environment of hate that follows you everywhere, as long as you are “connected”, the bully can have their way with you.

In 2010 a Pew Internet study was reported.  Of the 1500 teens surveyed:  32% of online teens have experienced one of the following forms of online harassment:

-       15% of teens reported having private material (IM,txt, email) forwarded without permission.

-       13% had received threatening messages

-       13% said someone had spread a rumor about them online

-       6% had someone post an embarrassing picture of them online without permission

(Lenhart, 2007)

-       26% of teens have been harassed via their cell phones either by voice or text

(Lenhart, 2010)

Mid-teens (ages 14-17) is the age of greatest prevalence of online harassment and bullying (Pew, 2007, Hinduja & Patchin, 2008)

Girls, particularly older girls, report more online harassment; 38% of all online girls reported experiencing some type of harassment (Pew, 2007)

Social network users are also more likely to report online harassment – 39% of SNS users have experience it. (Pew, 2007)

Our nation is seeing an increase in school violence and teen suicide.  We are reminded of those victims we lost at the hands of cyber bullies: Phoebe Prince and Tyler Clementi.  Two people whose lives were cut short by the daily torture they endured at the hand of Cyber Bullies.  I, like many others, was saddened to hear that someone could be tormented so much and pushed to the edge, that they would rather die than to be here with us.  That their pain was so intense the only way to make it go away was if they were to go away.  I’ve read many news reports on teen suicides at the encouragement or pursuing of Cyber Bullies.  I have often been shocked to read at the end of such reports that people would post comments of disbelief that someone would want to end their life and yet their only contribution or offerings of help is to post the same message I started with: Sticks and Stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.  If only it were that simple.  An over simplified statement that no longer holds true in this digital age.  Today, those “words” live on forever in cyber space and may never go away.

Some tips that Internet Child Safety offers is:

1)    Never respond to a Cyber Bullies attack.  The Playground Bully gets their satisfaction immediately, face to face.  A Cyber Bully is waiting for you to respond.  This is what often feeds that desire to bully more.

2)    Report the abuse.  If the abuse is happening on a particular website, make sure to report the abuse to that website:  i.e. abuse@______.com (the blank represents the websites name; Facebook, MySpace, Twitter, etc..  Most sites offer a “Report abuse” button at the bottom of most sites page.  This will at least help to limit access to the post and help to bring it down.

3)    Talk to someone.  Never go this alone.  Make sure to share your feelings with a trusted adult, older brother or sister, mom and dad, a teacher.

4)    Block unwanted messages or communications from the bullies.  No one should ever have to expose themselves to vicious attacks from a bully.  Take control of your accounts and be sure to block or remove anyone who uses abusive language, or says hurtful things.

I was at an elementary school presenting my online safety presentation and prior to the start of the presentation, I was walking past a group of 1^st or 2^nd graders and overheard a group chanting that rhyme: Sticks and stones…. and that is what made me write this article.  Although the message still has some meaning, it is not so simple anymore.  However, what I did take away from this observation is how powerful “strength in numbers” plays in fighting back the bully’s attack.  Those students who banded together and started chanting, seemed to ward off the bullies attack.  There are no easy solutions to help fight Cyber Bullies, but one thing is for sure, we all need to stand together.

Ofc. Steve DeWarns

InternetChildSafety.net

SocialShield.com

Look At Me

The People’s Choice Awards gave the crystal award this year to a family for their viral video taken of their child’s rants in the back seat of their car. Although a humorous video worthy of some time on Americas Funniest Home videos, a People’s Choice award winner I’m not too sure about. My issue: are we turning into a society desperate for attention? I’m all for people being able to express themselves, but to what extent? We see news media showing viral, often shocking, videos that they may come across on the web only to be used to fill some time. When teaching children to be more responsible with technology, we have to ask ourselves; are we just encouraging bad behavior? More children have access to digital media in the form of camera phones, iTouch, Nano, handheld gaming devices and digital cameras, all capable of taking pictures, videos and uploading to the web. Even Kodak is in the process of releasing a camera with a “share” button. I would love for my child to be the next Spielberg or Coppola but I fancy myself as a realist. Most important is that I take the time to explain the importance of being responsible and respectful of himself and others. I’m sure when Spielberg broke into the business he wasn’t inspired by “Jackass” style videos. Hey mainstream media, I have an idea: Let’s reward those videos that teach us something of value and leave those that don’t to the people who choose to search them out themselves and let’s not put them into the spotlight. To the parents out there with tech savvy kids; teach and promote respect. Children should take time to think before they post, click or hit send. If you don’t want everyone to see it, then don’t post it in the first place. Even a message meant just for your closest friends can easily be forwarded to all.

Ofc. Steve DeWarns
InternetChildSafety.net
SocialShield.com

Togetherville? I got a better idea…Parenting!

Yesterday we saw the launch of Togetherville: Social Networking for kids ages 6 to 10.  What is being described as a safe haven on the Web for children, here is a little on how it works:

As an adult, you use your Facebook account to login to Togetherville and create a social network for your child based on your Facebook friends. Your kids can then interact with your Facebook friends’ children on Togetherville; your children can also interact with parent-approved adults.

On Togetherville.com your kids can play games, create artwork, watch pre-approved YouTube videos and comment to friends by using a drop-down menu of pre-approved messages (called “quips”).

I applaud any efforts to create safe environments online for children, but can’t help but wonder why it is so important for us to keep creating yet another social networking site.  I’ve got an idea for a new website; it’s called “Parenting”.  Parenting requires you to take time out of your busy day, hang up your phone, turn off your t.v. and go outside and play with your kids.  Doing these simple things builds closer relationships with your children, allows for them to grow and develop their minds, meet new friends (face to face in the real world) not in some make-believe environment where people are not always who they say they are.  Parenting helps with communication skills where actual conversations take place and children are speaking not in code or hidden behind fictitious screen names and email addresses, but is expected to speak a form of language that you can understand.  Parenting helps build respect and is meant to intervene when there is conflict between children so that such issues of anger do not go unnoticed or grows out of control.

I am all for teaching children to be better digital citizens and wanting for them to be able to explore the greatness that is the Internet.  I also feel that there is a fine line where we see children relying too much on technology and spending too much time online.

I would ask all of you who read this to tell me how much time do you feel is necessary for a child to spend online, whether it’s for homework or entertainment.  Once you’ve honestly answered that, please tell me how much time your child actually spends online.   If there is a difference, then you the “Parent” needs to make a change.

Ofc. Steve DeWarns

www.internetchildsafety.net

New Facebook Security Features?

If you were one of the many Facebook user to receive a message back in December 09 telling you to update your security settings then you need to read this:

http://www.nytimes.com/external/readwriteweb/2010/01/20/20readwriteweb-the-3-facebook-settings-every-user-should-c-29287.html?em

Facebook states they are providing their customers with security features meant to protect your personal information.  But don’t be fooled.  Take the time to audit your account and see just how secure it really is.  Lets remember that Social Networking sites get paid by advertisers.  Advertisers only want to do business with companies who’s site attracts as many people as possible.   So, is setting your account to limit people from seeing your information in Facebooks real best interest?  Be smart, be safe and think before you post.

Ofc. Steve DeWarns

www.internetchildsafety.net

The Way We Teach Online Safety

I have been a police officer for almost 20 years, a detective for over 10 of those years, and since 1999 I have been involved in several online undercover cases where I’ve arrested child predators.  I no longer work investigations and have since started:  www.internetchildsafety.net.  I’ve been teaching online safety since I began in 1999 and my program has grown over the years and so has the way in which I deliver my message.  I have never been one to want to “scare” children/parents from using the Internet as I am very pro-technology.  I only wish I had this technology available when I was in school.  What bothers me is that I read so many articles which seems to, ever so slightly, “bash” law enforcement for its efforts to teach communities about online safety.  I agree that there are some agencies that have been placed under various pressures when a predator gets caught in their jurisdiction and citizens are in a panic to want to know all the details and requests are made to have a community meeting on Online Safety.  This is when   police departments have made “knee jerk” reactions and will have any officer that is available to go to this meeting and talk on a subject they know nothing about.  The police department walks away thinking they met the needs of the citizens and the community walks away scared.  This is not what I’m about nor do I want to see happen with other law enforcement agencies.  What I do want to comment on are these groups who promote “Digital Citizenship”, which I, too, am a big fan of and have been developing my own ways to bring that message to all the students and parents I teach.  However, when I read about Online Safety 3.0 and Empowering Youths online, what many of the articles state and or want you to buy into is the fact that the likelihood of your child becoming a victim of an Online Predator is very low.  There have been several studies, one major study done by the Harvard Law School’s Berkman Center for Internet and Society (report).  This study showed that children were at a very low risk and many students surveyed stated that they have never had these types of encounters with “strangers” online.  We all know surveys and statistics can be tilted in many directions and depending on those involved can lead us to believe just about anything.  We can’t use a survey that asks questions about “strangers” as kids will not relate to this.  They believe everyone on their “Friends List” is actually their friend.  Do you really believe that those 100 – 1,000 friends on your child’s social networking site are their friend or are some strangers?  I say, we really don’t know what the risks are.  Yes, it may be low, but for some it may not be.  It may not happen to you or someone you know, but are we expected to not talk about it?   Should we act as if this never happens?  This is the message I keep hearing.  We wouldn’t want to “scare” anyone away from the Internet as this would be devastating….for who?  It is interesting to me how Facebook and MySpace, and several other companies, whose business/success depends on the overwhelming subscribers they attract are also the ones who helped put this study together.  Again, I support teaching children how to properly use and navigate the Internet and how to respect not only themselves online but others.  Basically, behave as your parents would want you to in the real world.  But those of you who like to keep mentioning how the likelihood of a predator coming into contact with your child is so low, let me ask you this:

Do you lock your doors at night or when you are not home?  If so, why?  Are you afraid someone may come into your home and harm your family or steal your belongings?  The likelihood of this happening is also very low, but that doesn’t seem to keep many people around the world from not only locking their doors at night, but teaching their children to do the same.  How are you explaining to your child the need to lock your front door?  Do you “empower” them or do you explain how unsafe it is?  I hope you don’t use “scare” tactics.

Ofc. Steve DeWarns

www.internetchildsafety.net

Based on information from the article:  We Need to Rethink Online Safety

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/larry-magid/we-need-to-rethink-online_b_433421.html

Christmas and Electronic Gifts

Christmas has come and gone and your children are probably spending their time off from school playing with all their toys.  Did you remember to do your homework on any electronic device you may have given this year?  We all want to be the hero to our children over the holidays, but we need to remember that we are parents first.  More and more electronic gifts are likely to allow for your child to go online and be able to download pictures, surf the web or chat with friends.  This doesn’t need to be a bad thing, but should be a reminder to parents that you need to be aware of the capabilities of these electronic gifts and how you can take control to better protect yourself and your children from any unwanted communications and or from wandering into areas of the web not suitable for children.  Take time to read up on such gifts and allow yourself some time to help your child set up accounts, logins, etc… so that they have the most protection and limits access to any personal information you may need to provide to the company responsible for those gifts.  Be aware of the games rating system and what they mean.  You may not only be purchasing the most popular video game for your child, but may now have exposed them to some very graphic violence and mature subject matter.  Online games allow for you to play against friends and or others who also like to play the same game, but these site are often times not monitored and there can be some inappropriate conversations taking place in these games.  Taking time out to read up on this type of technology will not only give you a better understanding but will help you to better protect your child.  I have worked with Common Sense Media in the past and found that their site:  www.commonsesnsemedia.org to be a very useful site in finding out important information about all forms of media.  Not only do they give ratings on games but movies and television shows as well.  What I find most helpful is that they provide parents with suggestions on how to talk to your child about issues they may have been exposed too over the web, t.v. or from a movie they may have rented.

Happy New Year,

Ofc. Steve DeWarns

www.internetchildsafety.net

How to lock down your Facebook account.

A friend of mine and colleague from McAfee’s Consumer Advisory Board (Linda Criddle – www.look-both-ways.org) posted this link on “How to lock down your Facebook account”.  For all of you out there who think your account is set to “Private”, which really means “limit access”, you should take a look.  This is good for both students and parents to learn how you can make your Facebook account more secure.  Most people don’t realize that once you set up your account, you still need to go back into your settings and tweak the settings so that information does not go out to people you don’t want to be reading or seeing on your site.  A great resource that everyone should follow: www.howtogeek.com/howto/5032/how-to-lock-down-your-facebook-account/

Ofc. Steve DeWarns

www.internetchildsafety.net

School District sued over discipline for MySpace Pictures

Teens Sue School for Pictures Posted on MySpace: In an AP report out this week, two sophomore girls from Indiana have sued their school district after they were punished for posting sexually suggestive photos on MySpace during their summer vacation. The lawsuit filed last week on behalf of the girls, argues that Churubusco High School violated the girls’ free speech rights when it banned them from extracurricular activities for a joke that didn’t involve the school. They say the district humiliated the girls by requiring them to apologize to an all-male coaches’ board and undergo counseling.

In a time where students and teachers are finding themselves the victims of Cyber Bullying, schools are setting policies to deter from such behavior. The question remains at what point does the school district have legal standing on something that happens in Cyberspace? Most school policies have included language to include Cyber Bullying or activities posted online, whether on or off campus, which would disrupt the school process. This means if an incident occurs online while the student was at home and that incident then becomes a problem for the student while at school and becomes disruptive in class or while on campus, the schools can now take action with either suspension or expulsion.

Last year Governor Schwarzenegger signed Assembly Bill 86 which gave schools in California the right to suspend or expel students for any form of bullying. The Bill states that schools can take action, even if the incident occurs off campus. The school has to show that the incident became a problem while on campus by being a disruption at school.

I do not know all the facts involved in this case but do feel that based on this article, the school may have overreacted. As mentioned by the students attorney there were no indications that this ever had an impact at school as these were images taken and posted during summer vacation and that the students had their accounts set to limit access to only their friends. It is unclear how the information/images got out, but it is not hard to believe such a thing would happen and had made its way to the school officials. Don’t get me wrong, I do believe that if such an incident happens in cyberspace which then becomes a problem at school and a teacher is unable to conduct their class, then the school should have some recourse to take action. I also believe that depending on what the images were, the students may be facing some criminal action themselves if they had posted child pornography. What the bigger issue here falls back to the parents. Parents need to be aware of the type of technology they are handing over to children with laptops and web enable cell phones/camera phones. We need to take our basic parenting skills and apply them to cyberspace. Children will make mistakes but we need to start educating them early about cyber etiquette. We teach our children how to behave in the real world; we need to start having discussions with them about the same behavior applying to cyberspace. I find through my teachings that students are clueless about the impact of such behavior online and what it could mean to them as they get older. How you portray yourself in cyberspace may affect future college applications and employment opportunities, but tell that to a child now and what you get are a blank look and a shrug of the shoulders.

Many times in my career as a police officer I have gotten parents calling me upset over what they saw posted online by a fellow classmate. School officials also have told me they too get several calls regarding inappropriate posting online by their students and in every case the parents ask: “what are you (police/school) doing about it?” Making more laws and more rules are not the answer. We need to enforce the laws and rules we have now, but let’s take a closer look from within the home and try to work together so that more kids don’t behave this way. My fear in the Indiana case is that this sparks the wrong message and that more lawsuits will be filed and yet children still will not learn to think before they post.

Ofc. Steve DeWarns

www.internetchildsafety.net

Teens and Drinking Posted on Social Networking Sites

In a recent article in US News titled: Teens Think Drinking on MySpace, Facebook Is Real, about half of teenagers’ social media posts refer to drinking, sex, or violence, according to Megan Moreno, an assistant professor of pediatrics at the University of Wisconsin-Madison.  Moreno states that children who post pictures or has discussions online about risky behavior such as underage drinking or sex, are more likely to believe what they see and read, which may lead to risky behavior themselves. http://health.usnews.com/blogs/on-parenting/2009/10/30/teens-think-drinking-on-myspace-facebook-is-real.html

 

I have been teaching Internet Safety for over 10 years to both students and parents and I am always amazed at how many of my students will raise their hands when asked:  “how many of you have heard students at your school say; “I’ve got 100 friends on my Facebook/MySpace account….Oh yeah….well I have 200 or 300”.  This just goes to show you that Social Network sites like these play into the all too familiar “Popularity Contest” that students have with one another in school.  It was not surprising for me to read that children believe what they see and read through Social Networking and it is no surprise that they will behave like that of their friends just to get attention.  It does not mean that all will engage in these activities but it sure does show a risky pattern that if parents are not aware, could lead to something more.  Social Networking has allowed for students to come out of their “shell” and for the shy student it could be a good thing for them, but if they portray themselves to be something that they are not and only to get the attention of others, they may be heading in the wrong direction.  We all want our “Fifteen minutes of fames” and with the Internet, this can be obtained either on Social Networking sites such as Facebook or MySpace and or videos posted on YouTube.  Children like logging into their sites to see how many hits they get of if a silly video has gone “viral”, which brings upon more satisfaction to being popular.  Let’s face it, we all want to be popular and have some type of celebrity status, but at what lengths are you willing to go to get it?  If parents are not aware of their children’s behavior online, they may be missing out on some very important life lessons they can be teaching to their children.  How children portray themselves in Cyber Space may not be so flattering and someday may come back to haunt them.

 

Ofc. Steve DeWarns

www.internetchildsafety.net